Be Empathetic Instead Of Angry

how to stop getting angry with empathy blog

I like to think I’m generally quite an outwardly calm person who’s never really shown real anger to anyone.

And that’s including in some very stressful situations where it would have been quite easy for someone to lose their temper.

And I think the main reason for that and why it doesn’t stress me out is because I try and look at everything with empathy. I try and see why someone might be saying something or doing something, or what’s the main reason behind that?

Empathy When Triggered

I literally just spoke about a lot of things that are seemingly innocent that trigger me and stress me out on a daily basis.

But even in those cases where I feel stressed out, it doesn’t result in me lashing out or losing my temper because I know it’s not something that’s being done deliberately to annoy me.

I know they don’t understand how my brain might react to something like that.

And I’ve never really asked someone to stop doing something that’s triggering me. And in a lot of cases, I probably won’t ever.

So there is an element of empathy there, but it’s kind of different to the point I’m making here.

Using Empathy To Keep Yourself Calm

Something that I realised is that using empathy before anger helps me feel calm, helps me feel happier and help me feel more balanced.

Another example – I try not to do politics at all in this, but I feel like it’s very timely for when I’m recording it.

I come from a medical family and we’re all pretty much unanimously pro-vaccine.

But I don’t think I’ve ever been anti-anti-vaxxer – if that makes sense.

I’ve never looked at people that are anti-vaccine with anger or hatred. Or any kind of negative sentiment. And here’s why

if you look at world history, governments I don’t think have ever unanimously agreed on pretty much anything. Yet these COVID vaccines have been approved by pretty much every government in the world.

Research has been done by people across all kinds of scientific, health, and medical fields who collectively have thousands upon thousands of years of experience.

And many of these people will have dedicated their whole lives to this kind of work.

But despite all of that, there are people anti-vaccine, I guess, who find it hard to trust the information that’s coming out.

And yes, it’s easy to assume that they’re being stupid or arrogant or something along those lines.

But it may be worth asking what’s happened in someone’s life?

What must’ve their experiences been that’s led them down the road of distrusting something that’s probably had more global consensus across the world than maybe anything else in living memory?

And when you look at it like that, it’s hard to feel anger as your first emotion. Maybe not everyone feels the same as me, but I find it hard to feel angry when I think someone’s got something like that on their shoulders that has made them lose so much trust.

Part of me feels bad for them and I kind of want to know where this distrust is coming from – what’s happened in their lives that’s causing it because that can’t be a nice thing to be going through either.

Anger With Retail Workers

Retail’s another great example.

Since the pandemic started retail workers, probably around the world have been dealing with more aggressive customers and more abuse on a daily basis than anytime before.

And retail workers didn’t have a good before either.

So the bar has dropped even lower apparently.

Yet most of the abuse that retail workers get is for things that aren’t their fault. They’re just the face of an issue that you are getting angry and aggressive about that’s nothing to do with the person that’s in front of you.

If you think about that, then maybe if you’ve ever reacted angrily to a retail worker, then maybe it’s not too late to go and apologize and make up for it.

Empathy For Online Trolls

I kept putting off starting Not A Fit Pro because I was worried about trolls and online hate comments and all that kind of thing. That wasn’t the only reason, but it was also something on my mind.

But then I started to try and think about it with a little bit more empathy.

If I said something genuinely wrong or upsetting for someone, then it’s a learning opportunity for me. Or maybe you get a better understanding of why someone reacted the way they did.

Maybe there’s something else going on in someone’s life that is much more significant. And just my content happened to land in front of them. And that was the thing which they needed to just lash out at.

On the flip side maybe there’s not enough going on in their lives. And they feel so unfulfilled that they need something to hook on to.

Some People Still Suck

Yes, some people are just nasty. We can’t change that.

But in a lot of cases, even if it’s a situation where you can’t control everything, you can use empathy and that can control your response and not let it affect you too much. So you stay calm, you stay happy and you stay content.

how to stop getting angry with empathy blog

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